Grr, their male friendships are hurting our relationship!
One viewer left a comment on a recent YouTube video about his girlfriend and basically said, “Their male friendships are hurting our relationship.”
But he was also willing to admit that he was jealous and therefore unsure of how to proceed.
Is he direct and tells you to cut it?
Or is she trying to act like she doesn’t care if the guys get in touch with her?
I’m sure some of you can relate to this situation and wonder what’s right.
And follow me to the end because I will specifically answer these two questions whether you have just started dating or have been in a relationship for a while.
Let’s take a closer look at “their male friendships are hurting our relationship.”
My opinion may surprise you!
First, let’s look at jealousy.
“Their male friendships are hurting our relationship”
Jealousy in relationships
A lot of people think jealousy is a completely negative emotion and it should be crushed, no matter what.
I do not agree.
Sure, jealousy can come from insecurity, but it also lets you know what you value.
If you are ever jealous of another man who steals your wife, you may feel completely safe about yourself, but you may end up taking her for granted.
If this is the case then stay tuned, I have a solution for you!
On the other hand, if your jealousy is based on unresolved childhood trauma that makes you feel unworthy of love as an adult, well, you may be the one who sabotages your relationship.
There is a good balance when it comes to jealousy in romantic relationships.
Healthy jealousy is a beneficial barometer that helps you stay alert just so you don’t take it for granted.
I’ve talked about hypergamy in several of my review videos, women don’t always let you “level up”.
Sometimes they let go of someone who offers what you are no longer.
Let your warranty run out.
I hear you say, “But Anna, what about her, shouldn’t she make an effort too?”
Yes, absolutely, you should also make an effort to meet your relationship needs forever afterwards!
To have a long and happy relationship, both people must constantly contribute to the loving piggy bank forever after.
Think of this as hedging long-term relationship inflation. ⁇
Okay, now let’s look at the opposite sex and then some solutions on what to do about the situation of their male friendships.
If you’ve ever thought for yourself or told a friend that “their male friendships are hurting our relationship,” you may be right.
There are so many different male friendship situations, you need to look at each one individually.
But the questions that need to be asked to detect threats are:
- Is this person really a threat?
- Is my jealousy unjustified?
- Do our values match?
Let’s take a closer look at each of these areas.
1 Threat assessment
Reality: If you are heterosexual, at some point there is at least an 80% chance that your girlfriend has been harmed. Or doing it again if you’ve been there before.
That’s why it’s completely normal to be worried about this.
Of course, if you’re 100% gay, you don’t have to worry about that.
But if it’s even 1% Bi, yes, there’s a chance he’d like to run into her.
Whether they are friends from elementary school or have just met at work, or are heterosexual, there is a good chance that your ladybug will be boned if they give her a free pass.
Now some of you are thinking, “But shouldn’t I trust her?”
And I say, “Don’t be tempted.”
However, there may be some margin and I’ll give you some solid real-life examples in a minute.
But first, let’s focus on you.
2 Your jealousy
As I mentioned, a little jealousy is natural and healthy.
But if you’re so insecure that you feel unworthy of her, your jealousy is likely to sabotage your relationship, at least as well as her behavior.
If you’re jealous of her …
- successes because it can leave you;
- female friends or family time because they can tell you to leave;
—Then it may be less about how “their male friendships are hurting our relationship” and more about how your insecurities are hurting your relationship.
In fact, it could be your jealousy that leads her to reach other men!
If the person isn’t really a threat, I’ll give you some examples soon, and you’re not too jealous, they may be number 3.
3 Incompatible values
As I have said many times, your relationship will be much smoother if you choose someone with compatible long-term beliefs, values, and goals.
Attraction, love and / or chemistry is not the same as long-term compatibility and is not enough to maintain a happy relationship.
If you choose someone with conflicting values, even if they agree with your “relationship terms,” you may not be able to trust them when life puts them to the test.
Her insecurities may even make her act inappropriately, if she does.
Life will put you to the test, no matter what happens and people are wrong, but if they don’t think they’re wrong based on their value system, maybe their conscience won’t stop them from doing what they do. you think it’s a mistake.
AJ True Story 1
I once went out with a guy who said, “All men cheat if they think they won’t get caught.”
I said, “Even if that’s true, I’d rather be with a man as disillusioned as I am than want monogamy.”
I would actually say that most men may have a moment of weakness thinking about dipping their toe into another pond if given the chance, but that doesn’t mean they actually bathe.
Your value system determines whether you will allow yourself to be tempted or not.
There may be temptation at some point in a long-term relationship, no doubt, but it is what you choose to do that determines your true values.
If you think you want to be monogamous, try not to be at risk.
AJ True Story 2
I have a friend who, once he found his future wife, no longer spent time alone with other women, nor did he even go out for coffee.
He said, “It’s not that I can’t trust myself. I just respect my wife.”
If you want to have the best chance of finding someone with compatible values, consider getting my WakeUP2Luv program.
It will guide you through a process to find out exactly how you look and how to overcome some of the insecurities that keep you from feeling worthy of this kind of love.
Okay, now let’s answer the viewer’s questions about:
- Is he direct and tells you to cut it?
- Or is she trying to act like she doesn’t care if the guys get in touch with her?
Standards, expectations and limits
We all have standards and expectations, although we are not aware of them.
You can find out what your standards are by how you allow others to treat you.
Read it again.
And you can know what your expectations are when someone disappoints you.
When someone does something that bothers you, it is a blow to the shoulder that your standards and expectations have not been met and something has to be given.
Boundaries are like setting the stage for change when you feel that your standards and expectations have not been met.
Whether or not you are able to set boundaries shows how much you respect yourself.
Setting boundaries in a respectful but firm way is a kind thing.
Well, how else will the person know how to treat you if you don’t let him know?
If they are unable or unwilling to accept your application, or are disrespected (red flag) or unsupported (red flag), even if your application is due to your own insecurities.
And if your request is due to unhealthy insecurities, you owe it to yourself more than anyone else to deal with what is causing them.
Safe standards for your male friendships: green flags
- Both for lunch or coffee in a public setting.
- He has never indicated a romantic interest in her.
- You can join them at any time.
- If she has a partner, she can join at any time.
- She tells him the big guy you are.
This is my list based on what I’ve seen in real life, you can make your own list based on your convenience and risk values.
Therefore, to answer the question of whether to address it or ignore it: I should definitely address it after assessing its insecurities and values.
And if this is you, I strongly encourage you to get my WakeUP2Luv program. It provides a step-by-step process on how to find out your standards and address any insecurities.
Good luck, a big hug and God bless!
#Frustration #male #friendships #hurting #relationship
Sometimes we include links to online retail stores. If you click on one and make a purchase we may receive a small commission.