When it comes to dating, if you have limiting beliefs based on fear, scarcity, abuse, disappointment, and loss from the past, they can depress you and stress you out. And it puts a complete obstacle in your journey to the love of the soul mate. These examples of limiting beliefs include negative, false, and distorted attitudes toward men, about oneself, or about love and intimate relationships. And the hardest part is that these pessimistic beliefs can be hidden in your unconscious!
So let’s take a closer look at these basic beliefs that are transported from your past to your present (and future) as expectations. Expectations of what is possible in terms of meeting someone fantastic, expectations of what is possible for you, expectations of how a date should be. Because these expectations are often negative and generate fear, they kill curiosity, possibilities, or appreciation of what is going on right now, preventing you from seeing someone interesting in front of you! And when you’re with a party, because you’re not really present, it’s hard to live that relationship as it’s currently unfolding and not as an extension of previous disappointments and failures.
This heavy luggage from the past creeps into your present and leaves you worried and pessimistic about appointments. Instead of being open to the opportunities that are happening now, you are lost in a whirlwind of pessimistic and demoralizing self-talk that leads nowhere.
So it’s key to identify limiting beliefs that secretly ruin your dating experience!
I will list the five most common limiting beliefs about love. Read them below and write down which ones are true for you.
Example 1 of limiting beliefs There are no good men (how many times have you or your friends said this?).
Other variations on this topic:
- Men are idiots.
- All men are babies.
- All men are cheaters.
- Men are liars.
- All the guys have disappointed you in the end
- The good ones are taken.
- All available men are losers
In fact, Just pay attention to what women say and you will hear a lot of insults to single men.
The most common limiting example of belief, “There are no good men” prevents women from meeting guys who may not fit their usual type, but who are nonetheless great coincidences. It usually appears as a dead-end dating pattern that I call “Not perfect, I’ll pass,” where it is perceived that each competitor has something bad or a fatal flaw.
As the law of repulsion is an example of limiting belief
As Lori Gottlieb describes in her excellent book, Marry Him: The case to settle for Mr. Good Enough, women can be demanding, demanding, demanding when it comes to their suitors. This means that they practice what I call the Laws of Repulsion. They are on their high horses judging. This guy is too lame, this one used the wrong table fork and that one has his hands too small. Other chord breakers: bad musical taste, a cheesy sense of humor, he loves me too much, is too predictable, too bald, too old, too young, or even too handsome. Believe me, I’ve heard it all. A perfectly intelligent and accomplished girl recently told me that she only heard the name of a guy who could tell I was the wrong one for her.
This kind of limiting belief really makes a woman an expert at getting rid of the “great”, “good”, “bad” and everything in between. The negative judgments that emerge from this self-sabotaging belief are based on superficial characteristics or traits. Now understand this: These traits have nothing to do with the qualities that make a couple able to provide lasting love and happiness. The most important variables that study after study have shown that lead to happy relationships and marriages are the character virtues of the man (and yours), especially empathy, concern for others, and a willingness to grow.
Instead of being demanding and acting in accordance with these laws of repulsion, it is important to change your perception to notice what the core of man really is in terms of his values and character. In fact, you need to move from the habit of contempt to its opposite, the habit of appreciation to have fun going out and finding love.
Limiting Belief Example # 2 I will never have lasting love because something is wrong with me.
Other variations on this topic include self-limiting beliefs that begin with
- Too old.
- Fat mass.
- It is not attractive to men.
- Too successful.
- Not successful enough.
- A single parent and that gets in the way
- Damaged goods
This example of limiting beliefs tends to create fears of being rejected. A woman can be self-critical, where she jokingly retracts to protect herself from the rejection she knows will come. She might say, “I’m a great person to fall in love with; I have six children and live in a rental shoe. Not really. But I have teenagers who drive me crazy and our place is so small. ”You can either withhold information about your past or lie about your debt.
Some women may turn a man away altogether even though the initial courtship has gone well, while others will only tolerate so much closeness and, if the man begins to show real interest and commitment, will react by rejecting him for no apparent reason. On the other hand, I have met women who, laden with this limiting belief in self-sabotage, have endured a distant and unsatisfactory relationship or even one where they suffered physical or verbal abuse.
Limiting Belief Example # 3 True love does not exist
Other variations on this topic:
- Men only use women.
- Only weak or needy people stay with each other.
- Relationships are nothing more than exchanges, like a trade agreement.
- Lasting love is a Hollywood fantasy and invented advertising.
- There are no really happy couples; only those who have settled.
- The best I can hope for is (fills in the blank).
In fact, this particular limiting belief it creates cynicism and hopelessness about true, affectionate, passionate, and satisfying love. When a man acts in love with this woman he asks himself, “What are you looking for?” “Do you need a trophy woman to look good?” “Need help getting a new job?” Love acts are seen as exchange chips for getting something in return. But if a man only feels this cynicism, he will leave.
Limiting Belief Example # 4 Love is too difficult.
Other variations on this topic:
- The price of love is too high
- It’s too painful.
- It can be angry, explosive, dangerous
- I’m too hard to handle for a man.
- I will have to go knit in my relationship.
- I will never get what I really want.
- I’ve seen what people go through and they end up being miserable anyway.
- Love is suffering
- You can never recover from a breakup
This example of limiting beliefs tends to fuel fears of being harmed or harming your partner. It is common when there has been anger and verbal or physical abuse in your education or if you have an explosive temper. The fear is that it is not really safe to be in a close intimate relationship, for you and / or your partner. In fact, sometimes that fear is unconscious and you can’t really understand why people make comments like “I have to walk around with eggshells”. On the other hand, you are painfully aware that in one way or another you manage to get rid of any relationship with a future in it.
How Lisa overcame her limiting belief about love
Lisa came looking for a loving mentorship after a long history of relationships that only lasted three or four months, which is disconcerting. He grew up with a single mother who verbally abused him and could become a penny of being likeable and kind to judge, harsh and punitive to the point of slapping him. However, Lisa defended her mother’s love for her and tried to make her feel proud when she entered graduate school to study philosophy.
During her training, Lisa realized that she chose very passive boys and avoided conflicts that were the opposite of her volatile mother. In fact, like her mother, Lisa would find fault with her boys and “somehow” drive them away. He found that his particular limiting example of belief was that love is too dangerous. He contacted her pessimism and spoke of the despair she felt for “being too hard to handle.” Most importantly, he learned to control his anger.
Then his coach asked him to start making statements and create the Love Intention: “I am in a love affair with a great man who loves me and helps me overcome my fears.” In fact, Lisa started a three-person dating program, an empowered dating strategy where you see three men casually at the same time. This helped her meet stronger guys who weren’t afraid of her. Now, he is having a great romance with one he describes as a “strong loving man.”
Limiting Belief Example # 5 This is not it
Other variations on this topic:
- It is not perfect.
- He is not a prince.
- It’s not my soul mate.
- It doesn’t look like my type, it does (fills in the blank)
- Not good enough.
- There is not enough chemistry
- This does not match the image I had.
- I’m not willing to settle for less than my perfect match.
- This is not what I expected it to be love (seems) (feels).
No doubt, this example of limiting beliefs tends to create fears of settling for someone who is not perfect. You have a fantasy, an image, a Technicolor version of the ideal relationship that is built from childhood images, maybe fairy tales, romantic movies and the like. However, the reality of what is happening now in your dating life does not match this fairy tale image. He may not be the perfect prince, but he could become an amazing partner for you.
How Leann Overcame Limited Belief Example no. 5: It’s not perfect
Twenty-nine-year-old LeAnn was a sculptural dancer and former model. He had dated many men before coming to train love. His complaint: Each of the boys had some kind of flaw that made him less desirable. This one was too rich and full of himself; the next was too sensitive and too attentive. His example of limiting belief was “The relationship is not perfect.”
While her coach worked on LeAnn’s beliefs and co-created a vision of a happy, full love relationship, she let go of her perfectionism. Then she could be here and now with the guys she was dating instead of always being in the lead, sitting down to judge. LeAnn learned to relax and appreciate her dates. She’s now in an engaged relationship with a guy she really loves (even though it’s not perfect.)
Like Lisa and LeAnn, you can overcome your limiting beliefs! Start by discussing what you discovered with one of my amazing coaches in a gift session. You can discuss the five most common examples of limiting beliefs above and which ones are sabotaging your appointments. And you will find amazing openings and possibilities to find love that fulfills the call of your heart. You deserve it!
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