No one is looking for the same things in a potential partner. This is what makes romance so exciting, so unpredictable and also a little scary.
But aside from idiosyncrasies, research shows that men and women universally value three characteristics, regardless of whether they are looking for an adventure or a committed relationship: warmth, social status, and physical attractiveness.
Psychologists refer to this triad as the main “negotiating factors” of a relationship, whether long-term or short-term. Other characteristics that people commonly cite are intelligence, emotional stability, passion, and mastery. Naturally, the exact combination and ranking order preferences are very specific to the individual, although researchers can make accurate predictions about what traits you are looking for based solely on your relationship goals and gender. But on the contrary there is the less understood category: agreementbreakers.
What are the most common dealbreakers?
In brand new research for 2022, psychologists Zsófia Csajbók and Mihály Berkics describe agreement-breakers as those traits that we explicitly avoid when selecting a potential partner. In their first study of several, they asked people to list the deal breakers for both short-term and long-term relationships. Psychologists compiled no less than 96 characteristics from which people proactively move away from the dating scene.
Csajbók and Berkics then asked participants to rate each of the 96 dealbreakers on a scale of 1 to 7, where 1 meant they would not rule out a relationship with the person based on that trait and 7 meant they would definitely do so. These data were analyzed and the 96 shots were organized into seven generals categories by dealbreaker:
- Unambitious: undecided, dependent, aimless
- hostile: malicious, grumpy, unfriendly
- Dirty: dirty, sloppy, stinky
- Arrogant: opinion, selfish
- Unattractive: ugly, not fit
- Sticky: insistent, sentimental, pushing commitment
- Abuse: aggressive, violent
The rank of these seven categories depended on the sex of the respondent and the type of relationship they were looking for, even though the dirt was universally a broken deal. In contrast, grip was just a chord breaker for a casual adventure, and lack of ambition was just a chord breaker for a long-term relationship.
Which dealbreakers are most important in a potential partner?
Csajbók and Berkics then carried out the so-called budget allocation task to determine how a lot of a dealbreaker each of the seven was really. They provided online participants with a finite number of “matching dollars” that they could spend on “building” their perfect match. The more matching dollars they assigned to a shot, the more important it was for them in a potential pair.
For men, the two big deal-breakers were the unattractive and the dirty, no matter what kind of relationship they were looking for. For women, the two main deal-breakers were dirt and abuse, regardless of the type of relationship sought, but lack of attractiveness was considered the biggest business breaker when it came specifically to casual adventures.
Dealmakers vs. dealbreakers: What is most important to people?
In the final part of their study, researchers explored whether looking for positive traits or avoiding negative traits is generally considered more critical in our romantic decisions. They gave people a chance to learn about a potential partner, one feature at a time.
Participants saw a list that included the seven negotiators determined from their previous study (warmth, attractiveness, high status, intelligence, stability, passion, and dominance) and the seven dealbreakers they had determined (hostility, unattractive, dirt) , lack of ambition, arrogance). , adherence and abuse). Each item was ranked in the order in which participants would like to meet them. And the results were pretty amazing.
A widely accepted fact in the science of relationships is that the negatives outweigh the positives. For example, if you make a comment that hurts your partner, it may take three or even more positive comments to alleviate the damage. Given this trend, Csajbók and Berkics hoped that people would be more interested in hearing about a possible deal.breakers before considering the dealmanufacturers. This is not what happened. Although the ranking orders depended on the gender of the participant and the type of relationship they were looking for, people in general wanted to know how to talk about positive before the negatives.
The spell of the honeymoon period
In retrospect, the results of the researchers’ final study make some sense. People often ignore the red flags at the beginning of relationships, when they feel whipped by the excitement of the first intoxicating months, in love with all the wonderful things about their new partner. In addition, we often completely re-evaluate our dealbreakers when we encounter someone who actually meets our requirements. It is possible that we know the qualities we would have prefer someone to have, but you can’t stop the fall once you get your head around it, even if it’s for someone you would never have imagined being attracted to. Often, these chords do not matter so much when love is before us.
Maclynn International is a multi-award winning boutique presentation agency with offices in New York, California and London. We are known worldwide for bringing together highly compatible singles, and our matchmakers are eminent experts in relationships in their own right. So whether you are looking for someone to check your dealer boxes or who is free of all your dealbreakers, get in touch today. Our wide network of attractive eligible singles are ready and waiting to meet someone really special, settle down and love each other as they are. You may be surprised at who you fall in love.
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