During the more than sixteen years of writing this blog, one of my most frequently asked questions is “How do you know if the person you’re dating is emotionally available?Eager to avoid being hurt and disappointed by another person who is unprepared for engagement or intimacy, we want to know what we need to keep in mind so that we can “call it” and relax and breathe. In this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I explain why do not do it we know and we he can not we know, but also what we hope to know so soon reveals about our own emotional availability.
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5 key topics in this episode
- If we are in the early stages of dating, we can’t say for sure that someone is “emotionally available” because there is no relationship. We don’t know them well enough yet have the intimacy and experience to “call it”. When we say that they “seem” emotionally available, we look at the surface of something and say that we have seen its depths.
- There are five stages to relationships. The first stages, therefore before agreeing with each other to be in a relationship, are stages zero and one. Given this privacy not more it begins in the second stage where real knowledge also happens, trying to confirm emotional availability in advance is redundant.
- Trying to assess a person’s emotional availability in the early stages of dating indicates ours fear of privacy and our caution. We are trying to define something without investing too much of ourselves. At the same time, we also want the person to reveal themselves.
- We need to recognize our hyper-vigilance about dating and relationships. Talk about where we were hurt before or where we felt stupid. This lack of forgiveness from our younger selves wreaks havoc on our current appointments. No matter what, we continue to think of something more to be afraid of, that is fear, no our inner voice.
- It’s healthy to be aware of red flags or what I call amber code and red alerts. This is especially true if we have a frustrating and painful dating cycle. But much of our anxiety about dating and relationships actually comes from ignoring the information ourselves. Of course, we’ll be anxious if our boss is throwing us under a bus every time we smell a romantic possibility. Our body is prepared for danger.
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