How sex falls at the bottom of the to-do list: Priorities
Let’s talk about priorities first. Most couples let sex drop to the bottom of the list with no to-do list. We dream about it, we talk about it with our best friends, but the amount of time couples spend doing it is pathetically low. On average only twice a week. So here I will be generous and say it is about two hours a week. Very generous.
Talk about low priority.
Be honest. Count it. Less time than reading and replying to emails, reading your Kindle, posting on Facebook, playing with your iPad and iPhone, watching Netflix. Playing with your partner comes after work, parenting and such important trips to the grocery store, Costco, Walmart and other commissions. Yes, of course, those sixty rolls of toilet paper and paper towels couldn’t wait. Is any of these really the source of youth? I do not think so.
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At the end of a busy day, people are ready to go to bed and it sure isn’t for great sex. Because it’s not a priority, it’s either unsatisfactory or happens infrequently. Or both. And the rule of nature is that if you don’t use it, you lose it. If you don’t boost your sex drive, it’s not just idle. Goes off!
How sex falls at the bottom of the to-do list: The case of Joyce and Brad
So there is a big downside if you don’t change your priorities, as this sad story of our relationship coaching practice shows.
Joyce stammered as she stifled her tears. “But there was nothing wrong, I mean we weren’t fighting or anything. And then I found the card his “friend” sent him.. ” He glared at Brad. “She signed it, I’m ready when you are!”
Brad went bankrupt. “It simply came to our notice then. We were just working late. We flirted but nothing happened. “
So I asked Brad, “Did nothing happen? Or were you about to put it on the desk?”
I swear by my life, defended Brad. “But I will say that I am in love with her and I have fantasized about her. ”
After many screams (Joyce) I pressed him harder. But it was clear that Brad was having an emotional adventure that had not advanced to the real stage.
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How sex falls at the bottom of the to-do list: advancement
So I looked at Joyce and Brad and asked, “How often were you making love before Brad’s adventure began?”
“Not much”, Brad sighed as he rubbed his forehead.
“It was tough, with him stuck in the office and me with endless reports they were supposed to receive yesterday.” Joyce added.
“Wasn’t it even harder when you met?” I asked. “You were both in school and working.” They nodded as he continued“But you managed to have sex then.”
“We lost it somehow. We lost each other.” Joyce burst into tears as she grabbed one of the sofa cushions. Brad held his head.
“You two have forgotten something fundamental, something monumental that hooks couples.” jo dit. And then you drop the sex at the bottom of the to-do list.
“What do you mean?” Brad asked.
“You forgot to plan your sex,” I said with a smile.
Of course, Joyce and Brad had to overcome the lovelessness and betrayal of an emotional adventure. However, relationships with other people are common when you let sex fall at the bottom of the bottomless to-do list.
Now let’s look at the other big hurdle to having a great sex life – too much fantasy.
How sex falls at the bottom of the to-do list: Fantasy Vs. Action
The second reason why sex falls at the bottom of the to-do list is that we naturally prefer fantasy to action. It’s easier. That’s why we prefer to read Fifty Shades of grey i Discovered to you or watch sexy romantic or porn movies to have sex with our partner. When we read or watch wet scenes, we are in a fantasy just like when we were teenagers. And what does the mind of teenagers get? That sexual encounters are the most feverish and passionate when two people, suddenly and without warning, kiss and caress each other with hunger, break their clothes and put on them. And that these model lovers know exactly what to do with each other without talking or asking.
Well, guess what? It is a book; is a movie. In fantasy, there are no cell phones, emails, kids, or overflowing toilets that interfere with hot smoking sex. In fact, our overprogrammed lives do not allow for this spontaneity.
Face it, if you want sex not to fall at the bottom of your to-do list, you better act and plan. Although no one else thinks about scheduling sex and is not supposed to be talked about as an activity. Planned sex, shit!
No. Planned sex = delicious!
How sex falls at the bottom of the to-do list: overcoming all obstacles to having fun
When it’s set to happen, it’s fantastic. It should no longer be something that only happens on vacation. Don’t relegate him to a hurry because you’re both late for work, you have to go to bed, or the kids are calling. Don’t wait until you’re so excited you can’t take it anymore. Sex should not be just for illusions or fantasies while watching erotic movies or reading romantic novels.
Therefore, you need to create a clear space and time for sexy encounters. Don’t stop wondering how sex falls at the bottom of the list. Instead, plan for sex and then act according to that plan. Instead of living with fast, unsatisfying fantasies or having an emotional or real adventure. But if you and your partner are still struggling to plan for sex, my coaching team is ready to help. In fact, let me buy you a session so you can see how valuable this work can be to your relationship.
#sex #falls #bottom #todo #list
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